Friday, March 24, 2006

Need A Jack Bauer Fix?

Oh yah, what is today's date? heh heh

Can't get enough of Jack Baeuer and 24? All you have to do is go to Blogs 4 Bauer my friends.

A Joe Gringo sampling on Jack Bauer:

-Jack Bauer gives cigarettes cancer.

-Jack Bauer doesn't read books, he interrogates them until they give him the information he wants.

-Jack Bauer won the Indy 500 in a Ford Explorer

-Jack Bauer didn't really need a hacksaw.

-Jack Bauer knows where Atlantis is, because he sunk it.

-Deathly afraid of Jack Bauer, Minute Rice will fully cook itself in 15 seconds flat.

-All Video games now feature four difficulty levels: Easy, Normal, Hard, and Jack Bauer...No one has ever beaten the game on Jack Bauer.

-If there is a will, there is a way. And if that way is through Jack Bauer, you are f#$%^*.

-Jack Bauer does the Sunday New York Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.

-When Jack Bauer exercises, the machine gets a workout.

-Jack Bauer is never charged the $2 fee when using foreign ATM machines.

-Because of Jack Bauer, the Army switched their slogan from "Be All You Can Be" to "Army Of One".


At 1:03 PM, Anonymous antone, seattle said...

I'm a huge 24 fan, here's one

Upon being slapped by the doctor after being born, the first words out of Jack Bauer's mouth were "son of a bitch."

At 2:08 PM, Blogger Sergeant America said...

I love this schtuff!!!

If Jack Bauer Ran Starbucks...

Ancient peoples sacrificed virgins to Jack Bauer in anticipation of his birth.

Some random facts about Jack Bauer:

1. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

2. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

3. Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

4. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

5. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

6. Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

7. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

8. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

9. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

10. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

11. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

12. Let's get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

13. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

14. If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you -- well amigo, you're f****d.

15. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

16. When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer f*****g hates lemonade.

17. In grade school, a little boy punched Kimberly Bauer, and Kimberly ran home to tell her dad. That little boy's name? Stephen Hawking.

18. Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed.

19. No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a p***y" in a sentence and lived to tel-

20. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

21. Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

22. As a child, Jack Bauer's first words were "There's no time!"

23. Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.

24. If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer still doesn"t want to carry you.

25. If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don't want to get 7 stars.

26. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

27. Everytime Jack Bauer yells "NOW!" at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

28. Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

29. If you send someone to kill Jack Bauer, the only thing you accomplish is supplying him a fresh set of weapons to kill you with.

30. Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.

31. If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

32. After arguing over what was the better show, 24 or Walker Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris went to attack Jack Bauer with his trademark roundhouse kick. Jack Bauer caught it.

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Joe Gringo said...

Sarge, Those are great!!!!

I like your "Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it".

At 4:24 PM, Blogger MissingLink said...

I must say I haven't watched even one episode of 24 but I love the quotations!


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